Are you ready to change
the lives of women for generations to come,
by becoming a BETTER ally for yourself and others?
“It's so easy to think "...but that's not me." when we hear stories of abused women. The more we deny it, the longer we cling to the hope that our relationship can be saved or we aren't so lost that we can't find our way back to the life we have been dreaming about since we were little girls. As long as we can't see ourselves in the statistics and headlines, then all is not lost. Unfortunately, it is this way of thinking that keeps many women in abusive, hopeless relationships for far too long." (excerpt from "...but that's not me.")
What is the disconnect?
We need an accurate and common language to discuss our experiences. Until we do, we cannot connect with the reality of the situation, and we cannot connect with each other. Our intention with this book is to give language to those things that were previously unspoken. For so long, we didn't have the words to describe and understand what we were going through. Like many other women, we didn't say anything because we didn't have the words to use.
Why does this matter?
The problem is not the amount or availability of information but the ability to recognize what is happening in the moments of abuse. By telling the stories of average women in middle-America, …but that’s not me. invites you into an awareness traditionally silenced, bringing attention to painful realities of abuse that will linger, etched on your heart, long after the book is closed. The sad reality is, these are not the stories of women far, far away. These are the stories of your daughter, sister, co-worker, friend, and neighbor. They may even be yours.
…but that’s not me. details the journeys of multiple women as they entered, endured, and escaped a wide range of domestic abuse, including abuse in the workplace. We weave storytelling with textbook information regarding types of abuse, the psychology of trauma, and steps for healing. Our goal is to shine a light on a topic traditionally reserved for shelters and courtrooms. We break down the stereotypes associated with abuse in a way that is easily digestible and relatable. For each textbook description, we provide a real-world scenario from one of our contributors so that the reader can connect with it and have a clearer understanding of what that looks like.
For decades, we have given abusers a playbook for abuse, allowing them to continue to develop their technique, modernizing their approach. It is time to shift the power back to the victims so that they can become psychological warriors in their own lives.
It would be a lot safer and more comfortable to not tell these stories at all. That’s one reason so many women remain silent. But when we look at the faces of our children, our friends, and those suffering in silence, we can’t quietly sit back any longer. By having these uncomfortable conversations, we hope to encourage you to believe in yourself, learn to set better boundaries, and know that you are worthy and deserving of so much more.
This book is not simply a resource for victims but a resource for abusers as well. We believe abused people abuse people. We often perpetuate the cycle of abuse because that’s what we know, we have taken on the characteristics of our abusers, or we simply don’t feel we have any options. We truly believe that not all who engage in abusive behaviors want to be abusive. By shining a light on their behaviors, we can begin to turn the tide from the inside out, breaking the cycle once and for all.
We believe community and belonging can promote healing
We want to see this book as a resource in every home, high school, college, and library. Within each community we visit, we are committed to donating feminine hygiene products and copies of our book, …but that’s not me., to local organizations and women’s shelters to promote their healing.
Join the Movement
We originally wrote this book as a source of self-healing and as a memoire for our children. As it transformed our own lives, we recognized that it was so much bigger than us. Now that we understand the impact it can have, it is our responsibility to share it.
So far, …but that’s not me. and sharing this message has been completely self-funded. With our own families to support, we need your partnership to turn this vision into reality. This message may not impact you directly right now, but as an ally, you will make a powerful difference in the lives of your friends, family, co-workers, community members, and children. We need you to be a part of this movement!
Your support through iFundWomen can help us accomplish a few of our goals:
- Complete a professional copy and content edit of the first edition of the book, …but that’s not me.;
- Purchase and deliver 500 books from the publisher to receive a significant bulk discount, allowing us to share more broadly;
- Travel to six universities and surrounding communities (3 in Ohio and 3 in Texas) sharing our message and distributing …but that’s not me. to young women.
What readers are saying.
“I am in a healthier place now. Thank you for writing this book. This book has helped me work through things years of therapy never could.” – Book club participant
“This book will be a resource of prevention and hope for many.” – Domestic abuse survivor and advocate
“As a mandated reporter, this book gave me the knowledge to recognize red flags during counseling sessions and for those things I am required to report. It is going to be a valuable tool to help women discern between healthy and unhealthy behavior earlier in relationships.” – Pastor and State Mandated Reporter
“Thank you so much for writing this book! I appreciate the way you used very simple terms rather than get bogged down in more legalistic terms and definitions.” – Sexual abuse survivor, advocate, and speaker
400-page resource designed to raise awareness of what modern abuse looks like.
Author Erika Shalene Hull is a domestic abuse survivor and advocate and mother to four daughters and one living son. Throughout her abusive relationships, she built multiple businesses, had a 10-year career in non-profit supporting multi-million-dollar projects, and successfully kept her abusive relationship away from everyone in her life. Now in a healthy relationship, she is serving as a voice for those who have misplaced theirs. Through her book, …but that’s not me. and her business, The CornHer Office, she is advocating for women, moms, and victims everywhere.
Author Dr. Cheryl LeJewell Jackson is an abuse survivor and mother to two sons. She is the author of two additional books, Strong. Brave. Powerful. and Family Business, and a Lecturer at Texas A&M University within Psychological and Brain Sciences. As an industrial psychologist, she is an advocate for individual engagement and satisfaction across all areas of life and helping employees, parents, and entrepreneurs achieve this goal. As a co-founder of The CornHer Office, she is helping women achieve engagement and fulfillment through the implementation of psychological and productivity principles resulting in greater personal growth and achievement.
We cannot fulfill this mission without your support. Thank you to those who have already purchased the book and joined in the journey of ally ship. Your testimonies of how this book has created greater awareness and healing in your life, as well as your willingness to share with others has blown us away. It’s why we do what we do. Please continue to share this mission. Thank you for being a part of this movement and taking a stand for women everywhere.