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"...but that's not me."

Becoming a BETTER ally for ourselves and others.

$725
pledged of$10,000 goal
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Campaign Ends on October 31, 2021

Project Description

Are you ready to change
the lives of women for generations to come,

by becoming a BETTER ally for yourself and others?

“It's so easy to think "...but that's not me." when we hear stories of abused women. The more we deny it, the longer we cling to the hope that our relationship can be saved or we aren't so lost that we can't find our way back to the life we have been dreaming about since we were little girls. As long as we can't see ourselves in the statistics and headlines, then all is not lost. Unfortunately, it is this way of thinking that keeps many women in abusive, hopeless relationships for far too long." (excerpt from "...but that's not me.")

What is the disconnect?

We need an accurate and common language to discuss our experiences. Until we do, we cannot connect with the reality of the situation, and we cannot connect with each other. Our intention with this book is to give language to those things that were previously unspoken. For so long, we didn't have the words to describe and understand what we were going through. Like many other women, we didn't say anything because we didn't have the words to use.

Why does this matter?

The problem is not the amount or availability of information but the ability to recognize what is happening in the moments of abuse. By telling the stories of average women in middle-America, …but that’s not me. invites you into an awareness traditionally silenced, bringing attention to painful realities of abuse that will linger, etched on your heart, long after the book is closed. The sad reality is, these are not the stories of women far, far away. These are the stories of your daughter, sister, co-worker, friend, and neighbor. They may even be yours.

…but that’s not me. details the journeys of multiple women as they entered, endured, and escaped a wide range of domestic abuse, including abuse in the workplace. We weave storytelling with textbook information regarding types of abuse, the psychology of trauma, and steps for healing. Our goal is to shine a light on a topic traditionally reserved for shelters and courtrooms. We break down the stereotypes associated with abuse in a way that is easily digestible and relatable. For each textbook description, we provide a real-world scenario from one of our contributors so that the reader can connect with it and have a clearer understanding of what that looks like.

For decades, we have given abusers a playbook for abuse, allowing them to continue to develop their technique, modernizing their approach. It is time to shift the power back to the victims so that they can become psychological warriors in their own lives.

Our Why

It would be a lot safer and more comfortable to not tell these stories at all. That’s one reason so many women remain silent. But when we look at the faces of our children, our friends, and those suffering in silence, we can’t quietly sit back any longer. By having these uncomfortable conversations, we hope to encourage you to believe in yourself, learn to set better boundaries, and know that you are worthy and deserving of so much more.

This book is not simply a resource for victims but a resource for abusers as well. We believe abused people abuse people. We often perpetuate the cycle of abuse because that’s what we know, we have taken on the characteristics of our abusers, or we simply don’t feel we have any options. We truly believe that not all who engage in abusive behaviors want to be abusive. By shining a light on their behaviors, we can begin to turn the tide from the inside out, breaking the cycle once and for all.

We believe community and belonging can promote healing

We want to see this book as a resource in every home, high school, college, and library. Within each community we visit, we are committed to donating feminine hygiene products and copies of our book, …but that’s not me., to local organizations and women’s shelters to promote their healing. 

Join the Movement

We originally wrote this book as a source of self-healing and as a memoire for our children. As it transformed our own lives, we recognized that it was so much bigger than us. Now that we understand the impact it can have, it is our responsibility to share it. 

So far, …but that’s not me. and sharing this message has been completely self-funded. With our own families to support, we need your partnership to turn this vision into reality. This message may not impact you directly right now, but as an ally, you will make a powerful difference in the lives of your friends, family, co-workers, community members, and children. We need you to be a part of this movement! 

Your support through iFundWomen can help us accomplish a few of our goals:

  • Complete a professional copy and content edit of the first edition of the book, …but that’s not me.;
  • Purchase and deliver 500 books from the publisher to receive a significant bulk discount, allowing us to share more broadly;
  • Travel to six universities and surrounding communities (3 in Ohio and 3 in Texas) sharing our message and distributing …but that’s not me. to young women.

What readers are saying.

“I am in a healthier place now. Thank you for writing this book. This book has helped me work through things years of therapy never could.” – Book club participant

“This book will be a resource of prevention and hope for many.” – Domestic abuse survivor and advocate

“As a mandated reporter, this book gave me the knowledge to recognize red flags during counseling sessions and for those things I am required to report. It is going to be a valuable tool to help women discern between healthy and unhealthy behavior earlier in relationships.” – Pastor and State Mandated Reporter

“Thank you so much for writing this book! I appreciate the way you used very simple terms rather than get bogged down in more legalistic terms and definitions.” – Sexual abuse survivor, advocate, and speaker

400-page resource designed to raise awareness of what modern abuse looks like.

 

Author Erika Shalene Hull is a domestic abuse survivor and advocate and mother to four daughters and one living son. Throughout her abusive relationships, she built multiple businesses, had a 10-year career in non-profit supporting multi-million-dollar projects, and successfully kept her abusive relationship away from everyone in her life. Now in a healthy relationship, she is serving as a voice for those who have misplaced theirs. Through her book, …but that’s not me. and her business, The CornHer Office, she is advocating for women, moms, and victims everywhere.

Author Dr. Cheryl LeJewell Jackson is an abuse survivor and mother to two sons. She is the author of two additional books, Strong. Brave. Powerful. and Family Business, and a Lecturer at Texas A&M University within Psychological and Brain Sciences. As an industrial psychologist, she is an advocate for individual engagement and satisfaction across all areas of life and helping employees, parents, and entrepreneurs achieve this goal. As a co-founder of The CornHer Office, she is helping women achieve engagement and fulfillment through the implementation of psychological and productivity principles resulting in greater personal growth and achievement.

Thank you!

We cannot fulfill this mission without your support. Thank you to those who have already purchased the book and joined in the journey of ally ship. Your testimonies of how this book has created greater awareness and healing in your life, as well as your willingness to share with others has blown us away. It’s why we do what we do. Please continue to share this mission. Thank you for being a part of this movement and taking a stand for women everywhere.​

The Campaign FAQs

Frequently Asked Questions:

What is the mission of your company or project?

Our goal is to shine a light on a typic typically reserved for shelters and courtrooms. Our intention is to give language to those things that were previously unspoken allowing young women to recognize signs of abuse earlier in relationships and allow victims to safely find the protection they need for themselves and their families. Our mission is to change the story for the next generation of young women. We will start the conversation that will change the lives of women everywhere. By having these uncomfortable conversations, we hope to encourage women to believe in themselves, learn to set better boundaries, and know that they are worthy and deserving of so much more.

Describe the problem you are solving.

1 in 4 women experience abuse in their lifetime, and this is just the number of reported cases. We believe this number is much higher as abuse outside of intimate partner relationships is rarely recognized or reported as abuse. Victims often lack the language to even recognize what is happening to them. That, combined with the actual process of abuse and associated trauma, victims are conditioned to not seek help or escape from these relationships. Many of these victims go on to continue the cycle of abuse with their children and future relationships.

In addition to physical and emotional abuse, victims frequently suffer extreme economic abuse ranging from lost wages to lost jobs to high legal expenses. Economic abuse in the form of lost wages exceeds $8.5 billion every year. This doesn’t include the continued financial burden of childcare, legal battles, and increased expenses.

What is the market size/opportunity?

All humans will benefit from this book, not just victims and abusers. Everyone has the opportunity to, and should be, an ally to or advocate for victims. By having a deeper understanding, they have a better chance of being there when a victim needs them most.

What is your company/product about and how does it solve the problem?

 …but that’s not me. is given the words to victims and allies so they can speak the same language when it comes to abusive behaviors. Through these conversations, we are shining a light on things that were previously unspoken, bringing this topic out of the shadows. We are breaking the stereotype of abuse, highlighting the realities that abuse crosses all boundaries and touches every race, gender, religion, and socioeconomic status. No one is immune.

Why are you seeking funding and how will you spend the funding?

We are seeking $10,000 in order to fund:

  • the complete a professional copy and content edit of "...but that's not me."
  • republish and purchase 500 books directly from the publisher, reducing our cost significantly, allowing us to have a wider impact.

By having a clean, edited version of the book, we will be able to more confidently approach universities, associations, and organizations to distribute the book, getting it into the hands of those who need it most.

Who is on your team?

Author Erika Shalene Hull is a domestic abuse survivor and advocate and mother to four daughters and one living son. Throughout her abusive relationships, she built multiple businesses, had a 10-year career in non-profit supporting multi-million-dollar projects, and successfully kept her abusive relationship away from everyone in her life. Now in a healthy relationship, she is serving as a voice for those who have misplaced theirs. Through her book, …but that’s not me. and her business, The CornHer Office, she is advocating for women, moms, and victims everywhere.

Author Dr. Cheryl LeJewell Jackson is an abuse survivor and mother to two sons. She is the author of two additional books, Strong. Brave. Powerful. and Family Business, and a Lecturer at Texas A&M University within Psychological and Brain Sciences. As an industrial psychologist, she is an advocate for individual engagement and satisfaction across all areas of life and helping employees, parents, and entrepreneurs achieve this goal. As a co-founder of The CornHer Office, she is helping women achieve engagement and fulfillment through the implementation of psychological and productivity principles resulting in greater personal growth and achievement.

Thank you to you!!!!

We cannot fulfill this mission without your support. Thank you to those who have already purchased the book and joined in the journey of ally ship. Your testimonies of how this book has created greater awareness and healing in your life, as well as your willingness to share with others has blown us away. It’s why we do what we do. Please continue to share this mission. Thank you for being a part of this movement and taking a stand for women everywhere.

 

 

Ann Brice
10/07/2021
The Book Bundle
$75
Debra Dillehay
10/07/2021
Ready to Dig In
$45
Shannon Deer
10/02/2021
Book Club Host
$300
Natalie Aichele
09/30/2021
The Philanthropist
$150
Michele
09/23/2021
Monetary Contribution
$10
Kelly Hughes
09/21/2021
Ready to Dig In
$45
Mark Harbert
09/14/2021
Monetary Contribution
$100
Monetary Contribution

"…but that’s not me." 1st edition E-book because everyone deserves a better ally. 

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2 Supporters
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45.00 USD
Ready to Dig In

Copy of signed 2nd Edition …but that’s not me., and 1st edition E-book so you don’t have to wait. Access to 12+ hours of "…but that’s not me." book club. Includes exclusive stickers.

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75.00 USD
The Book Bundle

Author book bundle that includes signed copies of 3 books: “…but that's not me.”, “Strong. Brave. Powerful.”, and “Family Business: When business is family and family is business.” Access to 12+ hours of …but that’s not me. book club. Includes exclusive stickers.

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1 Supporter
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120.00 USD
World's Best Friend

Send a care package to someone you love: Copy of signed 2nd Edition …but that’s not me., Worthy t-shirt, …but that’s not me. coffee mug, exclusive …but that’s not me. stickers. Plus a handwritten note with your words. Access to 12+ hours of …but that’s not me. book club.

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150.00 USD
The Philanthropist

We will donate 5 limited edition, signed copies of "…but that's not me." to an organization of your choice in your name.

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1 Supporter
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300.00 USD
Book Club Host

Book club with the authors. Includes 5 limited edition, signed copies of the book, and a 60-minute book club with ONE author. Ideal for in-home book club, small group gathering.

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1 Supporter
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1,200.00 USD
Virtual Event Planner

60 to 90-minute virtual speaking event with Cheryl and/or Erika to bring this message to your community or organization, 5 limited edition, signed copies of the revised book for your leadership team, 50% discount on books purchased for the event.

 

Potential Topics based on topics in the book:

  • The BETTER Self Formula
  • The BETTER Method
  • The BETTER Reality Model
  • Diversity & Inclusion
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3,500.00 USD
The Ultimate Event Planner

60 to 90-minute in-person keynote event and 45 to 60-minute roundtable / workshop / small group discussion with Cheryl and Erika to bring this message to your community or organization, 5 limited edition, signed copies of the revised book, 50% discount on books purchased for the event. Organizing event will be invoiced separately for travel to and from the event up to $2,000.

Potential Topics based on topics in the book:

  • The BETTER Self Formula
  • The BETTER Method
  • The BETTER Reality Model
  • Diversity & Inclusion
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0 Supporters
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Rewards

Monetary Contribution

"…but that’s not me." 1st edition E-book because everyone deserves a better ally. 

48 Left
2 Supporters
Select this reward
45.00 USD
Ready to Dig In

Copy of signed 2nd Edition …but that’s not me., and 1st edition E-book so you don’t have to wait. Access to 12+ hours of "…but that’s not me." book club. Includes exclusive stickers.

28 Left
2 Supporters
Select this reward
75.00 USD
The Book Bundle

Author book bundle that includes signed copies of 3 books: “…but that's not me.”, “Strong. Brave. Powerful.”, and “Family Business: When business is family and family is business.” Access to 12+ hours of …but that’s not me. book club. Includes exclusive stickers.

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1 Supporter
Select this reward
120.00 USD
World's Best Friend

Send a care package to someone you love: Copy of signed 2nd Edition …but that’s not me., Worthy t-shirt, …but that’s not me. coffee mug, exclusive …but that’s not me. stickers. Plus a handwritten note with your words. Access to 12+ hours of …but that’s not me. book club.

30 Left
0 Supporters
Select this reward
150.00 USD
The Philanthropist

We will donate 5 limited edition, signed copies of "…but that's not me." to an organization of your choice in your name.

19 Left
1 Supporter
Select this reward
300.00 USD
Book Club Host

Book club with the authors. Includes 5 limited edition, signed copies of the book, and a 60-minute book club with ONE author. Ideal for in-home book club, small group gathering.

2 Left
1 Supporter
Select this reward
1,200.00 USD
Virtual Event Planner

60 to 90-minute virtual speaking event with Cheryl and/or Erika to bring this message to your community or organization, 5 limited edition, signed copies of the revised book for your leadership team, 50% discount on books purchased for the event.

 

Potential Topics based on topics in the book:

  • The BETTER Self Formula
  • The BETTER Method
  • The BETTER Reality Model
  • Diversity & Inclusion
1 Left
0 Supporters
Select this reward
3,500.00 USD
The Ultimate Event Planner

60 to 90-minute in-person keynote event and 45 to 60-minute roundtable / workshop / small group discussion with Cheryl and Erika to bring this message to your community or organization, 5 limited edition, signed copies of the revised book, 50% discount on books purchased for the event. Organizing event will be invoiced separately for travel to and from the event up to $2,000.

Potential Topics based on topics in the book:

  • The BETTER Self Formula
  • The BETTER Method
  • The BETTER Reality Model
  • Diversity & Inclusion
1 Left
0 Supporters
Select this reward